You could say that I'm one curly fry in the box of the regular..

SO I've been thinking...

When we went to Marion this past weekend, Anne was talking about this new guy that she's found that she has a major crush on...and she was mentioning how it was great because they had their playful competitions wen they talked & they could talk about anything for hours....and it got me thinking--that's all I've ever had with Mike.....but I couldn't say it because I shouldnt be thinking that....

and then I was going to tell Leeanne, but I didnt want her to tell anyone else...and she doesn't tell me things anymore, so i wasn't sure if i should share that kinda stuff....because i shouldnt even be thinking it...

..but then last nite he & I had another one of our super long conversations that I wished never had to end..and it got me thinking again--he's probably the sweetest guy I know. I have never had what I have with him with any other guy I have ever known. That makes me a.) sad...b.) jealous that I can't have him..and c.) one very confused chica. I don't know. I feel like at this point he's my best friend because I can tell me anything....but I can't tell him that....because that's just sad...because I never see him.....

I need to find someone that I can tell everrrything to. Until then it looks like this is my only venue for that...and since noone ever uses it anymore, it's just me & my J... *sigh* ...I think I need to re-evaluate things lol...damnit...

I just watched the lake house with my mom.....most.romantic.thing.everrrrrr! I kinda think I liked it alot haha. It was so sweet. I want Keanu to wait for ME for 4 years!! haha :oP ANyways--I know its an oldie now, but i highly recommend it if ur ever in a sappy chick flick kinda mood lol.

Anyways--I also finally saw "he's just not that into you". I definitely have had this book for while & read it forever ago. However, it kinda had new meaning for me as I watched it this weekend. After seeing it, I think I kinda need to reevaluate my feelings for this kid. I have decided that I am TOTALLY Scarlet Johannsen in that movie....you know.....minus the whole blonde bombshell chiquita thing lol. Because--I totally am into him...I definitely can't stop thinking about him....I would absolutely 'try him on for size' if given the chance..............
....but he's still not into me.
If he were then he would have come for me already.
If he were then he wouldnt be with someone else.
If he were then it wouldnt be a constant wish to see him.
If he were then he'd be able to call me on the phone.
If he were, then it wouldnt have just been me crushing on him years ago, but it would have worked the other way around.
If he were then I wouldnt feel like I'm the only one feeling this way (regardless of what he may tell me sometimes).
I NEED to find a way to stop thinking about him.
I NEED to find a way to get him out of my head cuz it's just never gonna happen for me!
I don't get what I want. I should be happy with what I have & realize that this is the way things are. I am a chubby, tall brunette...everything that he doesn't seem to go for. So if he's not interested enough to even see me.....then its over. I can't keep tormenting myself. I've begun to miss him when I don't get to talk to him...but at the same time I've begun to feel as if I'm just him way of jerking off when nothing better is around. He's my friend & I care for him deeply, but I need to cut myself off. I want someone who would do something special for me or wait for me or try FOR ME. I want the person that I feel that deeply about to feel even remotely the same about me...& not just be in it for kicks after 4 years.....I just don't understand why I can't have that.


Hopefully tomorrow I will get to talk to him, as I usually do...
Hopefully tomorrow I will have some guts...
& Hopefully...tomorrow I can have the strength to make the hurt stop.. :o(

Ohhh---the mash potato dinner scene....i LOVE 'while you were sleeping'...definitely a classic chick flick haha. Gotta love it.

I'm so disappointed that i missed my late nite chat buddy tonite... O:o) :o(
I turned off my computer for just a little bit & apparently thats when he was there! SO sad!! o well...I'll talk to him again..sometime....at least he said hi & i didnt poop him out today from last nite haha :oP

Soooooo I have a second interview at south bay officially!! wednesday at noon I should be finding out if i have a job!!! :o) I'm so excited!! It sounds ok for a first job...but mainly--IT'S A JOB. lol I just need to have a job so we can officiate our apartment status & i can get my life moving....So everyone cross ur fingers that they like me!! I hope that they do!!! :o)

My godparents are visiting from oklahoma right now...theyre using my bed for the nite, so i get kicked out lol. But im SOOOOOOO glad that they're here!!! I havent gotten to see them in like....years!! I missed them sooooooo much!! My uncle phil cracks me up....& my aunt is like a second mom--shes too funny. I miss my cousins too! I wish that they could have come!! Anyways---tomorrow nite it leslie's bday dinner wit them and thenthey're gone again...not that i reaaally want to, but i need to plan a road trip to oklahoma to visit them!! I miss them!!

Anyways--its late now, so im gonna go get some sleep!! but there's the update for tonite!! g'nite!! muah!! :o)

Sooooo...i was up till 3am again last nite. Ugh. It was defintiely worth it, but it made me wanna stay curled up in bed till like....noon haha...especially since it was kinda yucky this morning. I woke up to a dumpster sitting in my driveway--apaprently we're having some roof stuff done tomorrow, so I guess im not sleeping in tomorrow either lol. Otherwise I'll be waking up with some strange roofer guy staring in my window--maybe he'll be cute though..then i wont mind him watching me sleep haha :oP O;o)

AaAaAAAaAaaanyways--I MIGHT HAVE A JOB!! I'm so excited!! I'm going back for a second interview as soon as they determine a mutual time for all of the supervisors to meet in order to meet me! So I'll know tomorrow when that's happening. I'm so nervous!! This is a big deal!! We're gonna have to go out and celebrate if i get the job!! Its got awesome benefits. It's got lots of travel. I work with all populations. I get to do the art therapy thing. I even get to make my own schedule!! It would be suchhhh a good 1st job. I think that the pay is pretty good too--high 30s, but if i have more than 20 client hours per week then i make more, so i think that technically my salary could go up to the 50's to start??...So im excited!!! :o)

I've been thinking about this whole boy that keeps me up situation...I've decided that yes--I want him pretty badly...BUT--I'm thinking that once he sees me for real he might be like--ehh, no thanx, i'll pass...soooo I'm gonna tryyy to uninvest myself in thinking bout him. I neeeed to find an excuse to get myself to stop. He didnt want me in the first place--thats y we're with other people now--I need to remember that. Need to stop myself, like whoa. I just wish he didnt feed into it so much....*sigh* :o(

Anyways--now I have 2 days off!! Idk what im gonna do with myself!! Leeanne wants to do something, but I am quite literally broke lol. Sooooooo, idk. I guess we'll find out what happens. But anyways--thats my update for the day! ttfn! MUAH!

We have been plotting a secret mission to create the best 50th freakin birthday you could possibly imagine for mom this year. We are planning this gigantic surprise party at aunt janes house--shh!! It's mexican themed, cuz that way food was cheaper & she can have her favorite blue moon margharitas just like at the alamo!! lol...Leslie & I went CrAzY on the decorations--it's gonna be hilarious. She even has a pinata haha. It should be an interesting weekend. So far the plans are in place--she has no.idea.whatsoever. Hehe, I'm so good at being sneaky lol :oP Anyways--so that should be a fun time!! Countdown to Sunday when we deploy the sombreros!! ;oP

Umm OK, so confession for the day?: ...sooo...also....there's this guy....& i kinda like him alottt....& i got to talk to him every nite this week O:oD.....& we had a veryyy fun nite last nite till about 3am O:o) ........& I'm having a hard time not thinking about him..... & I'm incredibly hot for him--like wow--he's just soooo attractive & sweet.......& i miss him when he's gone......& I think I might have a super huge mega crush on him :o/ :oP ....god! YyYyYYyy do I do this to myself?! lol Idk what's wrong with me, but I want him more than I've ever wanted someone. Soooo--now I have to settle that back down again...cuz I know that I'll just get all disappointed again sometime in the future & then be really hurt again, soooo timeee to settle down! lol..Especially cuz I really dont think that he feels the same for me......but at least for now it's fun to think about hehe O;oP ----so there's my confession...I'm sure you can all guess who it is.....but I'm not gonna comment on that lol.....Shhhhh! Secret! lol

what elseee.....oo!! i finallyyyy got a new toy! No--not a dirty toy--for all of those who have said that to me alreadyyy in response lol..ick. I finallyyyyyy got a webcam! O:o) I'm excited--I was playing with it like aaaaall afternoon yesterday. I took some pictures with it. Still havent tried the video thing...idk..I'll probably play with it alotttt more later haha :oP ..but its funnn! I'll have to find out from Leeanne what that website is that I saw her on around xmas-time...I might try to play around with something like that......maybe...lol

I really really dont wanna go to work guys--I'm SOO delaying getting ready...*sigh* buttt--I suppose I must....so ttyl all!! Toodles!! Muah!! :o)

Hahaha--I dont know what made me just think of that, but I did. It's something that one of the girls at my 6th grade lunch group randomly said in our last meeting--she was completely serious at the time too lol :oP

Aaaaaaaaanyways--hi! I'm back again!! Every now and then I remember this thing and decide to throw something in it. I may go through a phase again now and post a few now that I've remembered it again lol.


First, the schedule:

5/26: FREE (come find me!!)
5/27: appt@1pm, then providence to shop with boy
5/28: FREE
5/29: CVS 430-10
5/30: CVS 11-430, then out to dinner or movie for da mama's bday
5/31: surprise bday party for mom @ aunt janes....shh!!
6/1: CVS 6-9
6/2: FREE
6/3: FREE
6/4: CVS 6-9 (aunt carol comes from oklahoma!)
6/5: LESLIE'S BDAY!!! CVS 3-6, then out to partayy! lol
6/6: Fairway block party @1pm!
6/7: TBD
6/8: TBD
6/9: TBD
6/10: TBD
6/11: TBD
6/12: MTEL results come in online after 5pm! wish me luck!! :o)
6/13: Camping with Shane, Sean & Ashley
6/14: TBD
6/15: TBD
6/16: TBD
6/17: Shane's parents to drop off Maddie
6/18: POCANOS with Shane, Meghann & Glen!!
6/19: POCANOS
6/20: POCANOS
6/21: POCANOS
6/22: TBD
6/23: TBD
6/24: TBD
6/25: TBD
6/26: drive in with shane, meghann & glenn for TrAnSfOrMeRs!! lol
6/27: TBD
6/28: TBD
6/29: TBD
6/30: TBD


OK--so theres not alot on there--I'm kinda ok with that, but pleaseeeee feel free to occupy me!! hehe :oP Anyways--So this next month's gonna be busy for trips!! I kinda can't waitttt!! haha

SO i've been avoiding saying anything....but I've been kinda talking to Mike again lately...alot...I'm glad he's back. I missed talking to him alot. He thinks he's gonna surprise me sometime & run into me somewhere, but i.dont.think.so. lol...He's much too chicken these days to let that happen lol....that & I'm such a chub these days, I'd be kinda embarrassed to let that happen....even though I'd act like i wasnt. Pft--I'm SO winning this one lol So yeah....there's the update on that..

I had a job interview finally & they havent called me back yet like they were supposed to. I really hope they do but I have a feeling that they wont. :o( I want a job so badly....I mayyyy stay at CVS for some super part time hours--mainly because i have about $95000 in loans now to pay off...that and abe has threatened to cry if i leave him lol :oP I really hope that one of the schools ends up taking me because that would be the perrrfect position for me!! but idk....I'm just gonna cross my fingers!

Anyways---apparently Im being cut off cuz dinner needs to be put together...so I'm gonna go head that up, buttt I'll be back to finish this later! ttfn!! MUAH!! O:o)

I have been scolded for not updating my calender, so here's the recent:

6/14: class 9-6
6/15: class 9-6
6/16: i have been claimed by leeanne...as i have the day off lol
6/17: CVS 9-5, ROONEY
6/18: CVS 6am-3 (eew)
6/19: CVS 7-3
6/20: CVS 3-10
6/21: class 9-6
6/22: class 9-6
6/23: CVS 9-3
6/24: CVS 3-10
6/25: CVS 7-3
6/26: CVS 3-10
6/27: class 5-10
6/28: class 9-6
6/29: class 9-6
7/11: @ shane's parents'--wedding
7/12: @ shane's parents'--"jack n' jill" party
7/13: @ shane's parents'--recuperating
7/17: dr. appt @ 10
7/25: class 5-10
7/26: class 9-6
7/27: class 9-6
7/28: class 9-6
7/29: class 9-6
7/30: class 9-6
7/31: class 9-6
8/1: class 9-6
8/2: packing, etc.
8/3: B
8/4: E
8/5: A
8/6: C
8/7: H
8/8:
8/9: V
8/10: A
8/11: C
8/12: A
8/13: T
8/14: I
8/15: O
8/16: N
8/17: !
8/18: dr. appt. @ 12



I could continue, but I think that I'll keep it at 3 months at a time lol.
I technically have information until december, but I dont wanna overload ya haha
This is everything that I know of for the next few months.
This does not include a whole lot of CVS-ing which i MUST do in order to have any hope of $$...
..and all class days factor in an hr or 2 each way depending on the day (weekday=rush hour traffic..eew)
anything else, just lemme know!! i can pencil ya in.......maybe lol :oP

haha yep--I must be overly bored lol :oP

so anyways--this weekend was A-Mazing...
it was the boy's & my 2 yr anniversary... <3
we "went away".....shh--a.k.a. stayed at his apartment lol
umm...saturday was THE day....so we kinda just hung out for most for the day & relaxed..
but then dinnertime came & he had tonssssss planned!! O:o)
he made me dinner--chicken parm w/ pasta....and he's a GOOD cook...yikes :oP
but then he wanted champagne, so he said that he wanted me to run down the street w/his car, take his wallet, and buy whichever bottle I wanted....neither of us r huge champagne drinkers, so i ran down and got a cheapy $6 bottle.....when i got back, i walked in & he had music playingggg (our love song CD that we made)...and candles lit everywhereee...and we had this amazing candle-lit dinner with the bread & dipping sauce & everythingggg...
then he took me into the living room and danced with me! he was so cute! hehe O:o) finally, he covered my eyes and took me to his last surprise......he had coverrrrred his bedroom with rosepetals!!! It was beautiful! I had a bouquet waiting for me & he gave me a loooong massage....it was amazinggg....he said he wanted to show me how special i was to him & how much he loved me.....this is y i love this boy so much... o.m.g.--best weekend everrrr......then later he made these gianttt sundaes cuz i had been talking about how at our old sleepovers we used to eat all this junkfood & we havent had one of those in a reaaally long time lol :oP ...so he made brownies & we made brownie sundaes w/ the sauce & peanut butter & whipped cream..they were HUGE!! and we snuggled on the couch & watched a movie till bedtime.....he is basically the sweetest boy everr... O:o)
then i was sick all nite--up coughing--not from the food haha :oP ...and got called at 930 am after being up till like 1am because i was supposedly supposed to work......so i was hurtin sunday, but it was sooooo worth it...i love him so much O:o)


o yeah--and just an f.y.i. here's my schedule for the next foreverrrr... :
4/15: Mcleans 8-5 (being the tx for the day! yikes!!)
4/16: McLeans 8-5
4/17: class 4-7 (shitloaddd due)
4/18: free so far..
4/19: work 1-9 & saying hi to shane's mom + grandma who r visiting..
4/20: work 9-3
4/21: NO CLASS!! patriot's day!! free so far!
4/22: McLeans 8-5
4/23: McLeans 8-5 & dinner with Abby (supervisor..weirddd)LAST DAYYY!!!
4/24: class 4-7
4/25: free so far!!
4/26:??
4/27:??
4/28: class 9-4
4/29: ??
4/30: ??
5/1: Dr. 10am & class 4-7
5/2: ??
5/3: ??
5/4: ??
5/5: class 9-4
5/8: class 4-7 (field trip to ICA)

then summerrrrrr vaca.!!! I'll be working a shitload and have a couple classes here n' there, but I'll keep ya posted!! and u should all findddd me!! i need to see people & actually do stuff!!! call me!! miss y'all!! lol

my schedule thus far~

12/31: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! : Shane's for New Years
1/1: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! : Shane's for New Years
1/2: schoolwork at some point, possible alamo/movie-ness :)
1/3: schoolwork at some point, but otherwise OFF
1/4: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/5: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/6: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/7: OFF
1/8: OFF
1/9: McLeans 8-5, Maria's for the nite
1/10: McLeans 8-5
1/11: CVS 9-3
1/12: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/13: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/14: TBA
1/15: TBA
1/16: McLeans 8-5, Maria's for the nite
1/17: McLeans 8-5
1/18: TBA
1/19: TBA
1/20: TBA
1/21: TBA
1/22: McLeans 8-5
1/23: McLeans 8-5
1/24: First day of Spring Semester: Lesley 2-8 {/my bday O:o)}
1/25: TBA
1/26: TBA
1/27: TBA
1/28: Lesley 6-6
1/29: McLeans 8-5, Maria's overnite
1/30: McLeans 8-5
1/31: Lesley 2-8
2/1: Lesley 4-11
2/2: Lesley 6-6
2/3: Lesley 6-6
2/4: Lesley 6-6
2/5: McLeans 8-5, Maria's overnite
2/6: McLeans 8-5
2/7: Lesley 2-8
2/29: Lesley 4-11
3/1: Lesley 6-6
3/2: Lesley 6-6

this is y i am nowhere to be seen:

my schedule thus far~

12/23: CVS 9-3, possibly making it to see my medway ladies if i'm lucky, Shane 6ish-?
12/24: MERRY XMASSS!! : CVS 7-3, polish family dinner 3-?, church @ 12am
12/25: MERRY XMASSS!! : Nana's in Worcester...dont wait up ;) :P
12/26: McLeans 8-5
12/27: CVS 9-3
12/28: CVS 4-10
12/29: CVS 2-10
12/30: CVS TBA
12/31: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! : Shane's for New Years
1/1: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! : Shane's for New Years
1/2: schoolwork at some point, but otherwise OFF
1/3: schoolwork at some point, but otherwise OFF
1/4: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/5: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/6: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/8: McLeans 8-5, Maria's 5-?
1/9: McLeans 8-5
1/12: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/13: Lesley 6am-7pm
1/24: First day of Spring Semester: Lesley 2-8


I'm booking up fast people...and loverboy's gonna be sneakin his way into alot my free time, so if ya want me ur gonna have to try n' catch me!!! :/